M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize