the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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