We're facebook friends in real life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
