i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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