so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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