He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
