weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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