I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
