I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize