how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
