Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
