Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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