I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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