My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
