Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
