How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
