i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
