If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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