Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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