everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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