You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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