I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
