think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize