i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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