I think I just saw someone hide a body.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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