Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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