DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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