I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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