Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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