She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
