Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
