he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
