she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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