My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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