I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
