wakey wakey hands off snakey
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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