i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He felt like a one man threesome
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
