i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
