So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
