"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
