Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
