First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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