It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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