I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
