did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize