So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
