I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize