Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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