Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
