my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
