we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
