its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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