i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
