Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
