when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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