Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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