I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
