got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
