yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
