Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
