I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize