My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
