I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
