i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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