I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
