Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
