I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
