I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
They took my balls.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
