I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
