I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
