so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
