matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
