Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
