K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
