We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
