Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
