Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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