Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
