Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
