My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize