there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
