I got chris browned last night
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize