so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
