She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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