I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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