Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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