I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
