end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
